- when i lifted my arms up in this light silk lazy butterfly robe a really pretty moth flew out of nowhere from the faucet in the bathroom. it had light hazel spots. i think maybe it thought it was in a butterfly cave, i think the moth was like "finally." do butterflies have caves? they should. the moth followed me to my room and i let it sit above my mirror while i folded clothes and listened to joanna newsom. it was the first time i was able to tolerate music in months and this is the first positive thing i have put into words with my fingers.
- cleanse song / first day of actual movement in about six weeks, a new course of treatment begins, not fun./ first day hearing sound and walking around / i found one lace glove and notebooks from high school / i put things on shelves /i listened to music like a thirsty god with bare feet in the desert, we never learn if its a real life desert or if it comes from his head but god damn the music is good.
- hi jade tree. jade tree i promise to try really hard to bring you back to healthy life while i work on mine and we'll get better together and be the greenest and full of water and chlorophyll and we'll use our arms to wave around while dancing.
but we'll be okay, i tell my hands, we've lost things before. this is it. we'll be fine, right? the blood is thick and hot and not human. not just "inhumane" thats too easy, too moral, its an animal with claws. and you know no one can tell you you're dreams. that's the thing, you're alone there in them, even after them, you're alone with them still inside you, no one else is there, are they.