somethings changed.

it was august 23rd, i'd be twenty-five in four days.

these were the sounds:
helicopters, some far-away sirens,
tiny shouts of small children & not very small adults.

 right,  there was also "one more cup of coffee" filtering through those, as by sound - as by sound by the mind, born there. i was thinking about when we inadvertently repeated that playlist of every version of it while we made love on the living room floor. 

cell phone-less, fat dark roads. just me, a grey hoodie and my bones.
all the traffic lights were lightless, left with three speechless vacant black holes.

all the stores were deadly dark except for one chinese take-out place dubbed "YUMMY ASIA" that i had never even vaguely noticed. i walked in slightly shaking. some indiscernible electronic device welcomed me in an asian accent when i pushed through the door,  i stopped halfway through my second step, facing two confused asian employees. a soundless beat and then they spoke, i stood there, not understanding a word they said. it sounded like the room was shaking in my head, so i shook mine as some sort of response or explanation, bodily mimicked a half-circle and walked out. i was still inside my skin but back outside again, inside the airs icy coat, on top of the earths skin, inside of gods brains, playing all its tricks on mine, all of us were raw. i said some things out loud into the dark and i said some things more quiet and some things i didn't say at all. i could feel all the negative spaces of the loves of my life, the opposites of bodies and bark. the sky was bloodthirsty but still had a pulse.

"mom, it's kerry. the stars are falling, i'm watching them right now and they're way too close to be, to be safe or normal or okay and i can tell they're getting closer, i think this is it. i hear bells.  i don't know where you are."

4 comments:

Alexandra said...

My heart is flinching.

kerry said...

it is alives

Ned Buskirk said...

i don't know where she is...

kerry said...

ned you're special. that was my favorite part.