when you weren't looking


we drank orange drinks tonight - orange or pink - 
neither could decide on the other  ,   as per usual.
right now i hear the voice upstairs, 

you're drunk and too close but distant also, somehow
not in the way that means you're not  near, just that she's very far.
like the way a voice can change it's mind about the mouth it sits in
it says, i don't love you anymore, goodbye                                    

i'll fight club this;  switch off and "bam" she said on a park bench
let's make a new life out of all the old ones , with red walls to swim in
i only just realized it's been a year
maybe that's why i was talking about sex
i said "i have no problem discussing this"
whose red cheeks are these?
please don't look at her body
please don't
i only just realized it's been a year
since i fell down  the stairs and 
that thing might have happened but with things that like that who knows?
tomorrow things will happen and they will be bad
i don't know what they are yet, no one does, not even god.


maybe i'll lay in fields & let my heart open up-not with a knife but with fire 
and then a great cold will enter, a big breeze on the inside
it'll sing me billie holiday
and the stars will all start making love but i'll wonder if they're fighting,
maybe i'll use my head to get up there and ask them, 

which is it you? is this love?
their voices will sound like a song they played 
to make me fall asleep when I was small
it was "sunrise, sunset" from fiddler on the roof and to this day 
you could not understand the heart break. the stars say, we do.
the stars say, we're dead already.
i'll do something bad tomorrow, or the day after that
and one day, maybe, it won't even matter.
i just realized it's been a year since we had sex on that
couch and i probably told you i loved you.
 the stars say "we only look alive."

1 comment:

just brian said...
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