or i am longer me, here, nope,
i'm a pet, in your lap, i am purring.
this was a dream about crowded attics and some little girls paintings,
this was a dream about seeing sound.
four flies in your orange juice and the stillness of a sleeping dog, but still, we go on.
the bells in that song feel like the bells in my heart, the collected clash and the hard ring, if you look carefully you can see it, i know, it's just like crashing water. there was something about the air today, something spritely and living, it had hands --- it said hello, just so, it said your name in a whisper. i thought; i bet that pond would feel like skin, i bet the deer know how, i bet i could teach you too, if you'd let me, its easy. because eyes are for diving, forts are for climbing in and bodies are to touch, for touching, a light kind, a press, or mouths or cheeks or underneath ears, tunnels of ignited heart beats and breaths begging to be taken. i do not like it here in my head, so get me out - i mean it - pull me right out and let's land in love.
my heart is stuck trying to say this, it stutters and spits and i listen intently and mess around with the keyboard till lightning hits and the world lights up, the trees looking like the dark skies white veins. though sometimes the words don't fall at all, in your head they dance around like little punctuation marks that never let you catch them, "a wall of ladybugs" i heard you say from the other room and i repeated it out loud.
i find i want to take care of you but i wish i didn't because then i could just spit you out, instead i chew, always i am chewing. "come on in" i say without uttering a word, i show it at the same time as hiding, like peeking out of your fingers with your hands over your eyes. the clouds are cars in traffic, cops pulling you over to the side of the road, "license and registration" and a clearing of the throat. we have nothing to say. what happened was love swallowed me whole and i sat in it's belly for years and years twiddling my thumbs and playing all those wispy, cracking songs. don't look so concerned, officer, they say, we are only clouds, we are only guitar strings.
i dreamt, but i hardly slept, my brain ran around with no shoes on , the dirt caking my feet, the potential escape but really, just the inevitable ambush, the box in, the falling fire.
whatever, one word answers, empty of blood
i can't feel anything, you are in for it, what did i want? sky.
see, because i can't remember love but love remembers me and i'm sorry.