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my heart is as big as a boat. sails flapping like animal sounds, opening their mouths and swallowing all of the air. the anchor somehow floating, land and soil just vague afterthoughts, just oh yeses, maybe somedays. the seagulls cull and there is that pull of the water, the suck, those ocean sized waves. there are things to be said of love that no one is saying. a toothed hollow, gone and leaving spaces, distractedly tonguing the hole. how do you forget something that's missing? you don't. it's true. until i was thirteen I'd ask to the go to the bathroom during class so i could sit with my knees tucked up and suck my thumb for a little while. the cold tiles and staring out of the murky windows, an empty parking lot trying it's best to be a play ground. we sang that song, the bluebird, bluebird, through my window . bluebird, bluebird through my window. the "oh, johnny I'm so tired."